Relationship : I’m in CONTROL

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When it comes to love and relationship some people are controlling the relationships so much that it can be hard to recognize them for what they are. There are some romantic movies and novels that are telling us that real relationships are all about obsession and that people who are truly in love have no boundaries or separate lives. Being manipulative or controlling the relationship aren’t real and true love. There are times that we thought having an abusive relationship is the only thing that matters but you don’t feel that being manipulative and controlling is a sign of unhealthy relationship.Most cases, it’s all about control and taking away your independence or freedom. Being controlled by your partner can damage to your self-esteem, make you fearful and having doubts about entering future relationships, and leave us emotional wounds that we shouldn’t have to deal with.

But there are plenty of relationships that are more one sided. A controlling man may be overprotective and to the point of unreasonable jealously or try keep a tight power with finances and be constantly telling his partner the right way to do things without ever really listening to their ideas. Early of the relationship both of you have the power or balance each others ideas. There are turning points that you won’t believe that your partner is already controlling you. How can you know that your partner is manipulative and controlling?

  • Disengage you from your family and friends – They don’t like your best friend and don’t think you should hang out with her anymore or they don’t want you to chit chat around with your family. They will try to turn you against anyone that you’re used to rely on for support. Their goal is to remove you off on your support network as well as your strength so that you will be less likely to stand up against them.

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  • Makes you feel guilty all the time – They are very skilled when it comes to this part. Your partner will let you feel the guilt whenever or whatever you are going to do with or without them. Your partner makes negative comments about your friends until you start to believe that the criticisms are true. Your partner will be a snob every time you go out with your friends, until you start not to accept their dinner invitations just to stop yourself from stress.

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  • Criticize you a lot of times – Some partners think it’s not such a big deal that he or she doesn’t like the way they dress or speak or eat or decorate their house and that they shouldn’t take it personally. They may consistently critique your decisions at work , the way you spend money , or your interests and hobbies in a way that sounds less like criticism.If every little thing you do could use improvement in your partner’s eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal person?

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  • They don’t know the word TRUST – People who are deeply in love are allowed to have some privacy. And a partner who doesn’t  to acknowledge this isn’t being romantic at all. Your partner doesn’t have the right to check your email or messages, or have access to any of your  social media passwords, just because they say they’re scared that you might cheat, or because they will say that people who are in love don’t have secrets.  It’s a violation of your privacy, hand-in-hand with the unsettling message that they have no interest in trusting you and this shouldn’t be present within your relationship.

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  • Don’t want to hear your side – You are always interrupted in every conversations, or opinions you express have been  forgotten or never been acknowledged in the first place. Perhaps the conversation is always so ruled over by your partner that you can’t remember the last time they asked you a meaningful question about how you were doing and actually listened to your answer.

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  • Making you feel unworthy  – They are making you feel less attractive than they are. Even they try comparing you to their exes and sometimes their accomplishments when it comes to work, controlling people often want you to feel thankful that you are in a relationship with them. You will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep and to satisfy them. This is the goal of someone who wants to dominate a relationship.

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Not only me, it can be you but all of us can fall into a controlling relationship. Don’t feel stupid about it and don’t blame yourself for being with them. Controlling relationships sneak up on us, and we can’t see them for what they are until we’re with them and we know them truly. Always remember that if you are feeling that it’s wrong in the relationship you need to let it go and just be more positive with the next one.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

” Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.”

– Darlene Ouimet

” A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends. your dreams or dignity.”

– Mandy Hale

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