Relationship : I’m in CONTROL

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When it comes to love and relationship some people are controlling the relationships so much that it can be hard to recognize them for what they are. There are some romantic movies and novels that are telling us that real relationships are all about obsession and that people who are truly in love have no boundaries or separate lives. Being manipulative or controlling the relationship aren’t real and true love. There are times that we thought having an abusive relationship is the only thing that matters but you don’t feel that being manipulative and controlling is a sign of unhealthy relationship.Most cases, it’s all about control and taking away your independence or freedom. Being controlled by your partner can damage to your self-esteem, make you fearful and having doubts about entering future relationships, and leave us emotional wounds that we shouldn’t have to deal with.

But there are plenty of relationships that are more one sided. A controlling man may be overprotective and to the point of unreasonable jealously or try keep a tight power with finances and be constantly telling his partner the right way to do things without ever really listening to their ideas. Early of the relationship both of you have the power or balance each others ideas. There are turning points that you won’t believe that your partner is already controlling you. How can you know that your partner is manipulative and controlling?

  • Disengage you from your family and friends – They don’t like your best friend and don’t think you should hang out with her anymore or they don’t want you to chit chat around with your family. They will try to turn you against anyone that you’re used to rely on for support. Their goal is to remove you off on your support network as well as your strength so that you will be less likely to stand up against them.

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  • Makes you feel guilty all the time – They are very skilled when it comes to this part. Your partner will let you feel the guilt whenever or whatever you are going to do with or without them. Your partner makes negative comments about your friends until you start to believe that the criticisms are true. Your partner will be a snob every time you go out with your friends, until you start not to accept their dinner invitations just to stop yourself from stress.

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  • Criticize you a lot of times – Some partners think it’s not such a big deal that he or she doesn’t like the way they dress or speak or eat or decorate their house and that they shouldn’t take it personally. They may consistently critique your decisions at work , the way you spend money , or your interests and hobbies in a way that sounds less like criticism.If every little thing you do could use improvement in your partner’s eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal person?

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  • They don’t know the word TRUST – People who are deeply in love are allowed to have some privacy. And a partner who doesn’t  to acknowledge this isn’t being romantic at all. Your partner doesn’t have the right to check your email or messages, or have access to any of your  social media passwords, just because they say they’re scared that you might cheat, or because they will say that people who are in love don’t have secrets.  It’s a violation of your privacy, hand-in-hand with the unsettling message that they have no interest in trusting you and this shouldn’t be present within your relationship.

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  • Don’t want to hear your side – You are always interrupted in every conversations, or opinions you express have been  forgotten or never been acknowledged in the first place. Perhaps the conversation is always so ruled over by your partner that you can’t remember the last time they asked you a meaningful question about how you were doing and actually listened to your answer.

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  • Making you feel unworthy  – They are making you feel less attractive than they are. Even they try comparing you to their exes and sometimes their accomplishments when it comes to work, controlling people often want you to feel thankful that you are in a relationship with them. You will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep and to satisfy them. This is the goal of someone who wants to dominate a relationship.

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Not only me, it can be you but all of us can fall into a controlling relationship. Don’t feel stupid about it and don’t blame yourself for being with them. Controlling relationships sneak up on us, and we can’t see them for what they are until we’re with them and we know them truly. Always remember that if you are feeling that it’s wrong in the relationship you need to let it go and just be more positive with the next one.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

” Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.”

– Darlene Ouimet

” A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends. your dreams or dignity.”

– Mandy Hale

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Long Distance Relationship Will It Lasts?

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This modern world, many people are trying online-dating and many couples find themselves in long-distance relationships. But do they last? Being together with your partner is believed to help and maintain romantic relationships by giving people a chance to understand each other, and yet, some long distance relationships tend to last. Researchers suggest that one reason long distance relationships last is because they are likely to have the idea of having a romantic relationship with their partner or the tendency to describe their relationship in unrealistically positive terms.

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Couples that are in long distance relationships tend to look back about their relationship in a more positive way. Being positive in the relationship can lead them to believe they have a lot more in common, regardless of whether or not they really do. Partners in long distance relationship have the advantage of always showing most positive way possible in maintaining the idea of the relationship. In other words, people in long distance relationships rarely see all the daily ups and downs of their partner’s mood and attitude.

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There are times that when they close the distance there are some couples break up because they already know their partners personality. Distance can prevent partners from learning about each others negative qualities thus only creating an overly positive impression. The relationship may be happy and stable they are not together but in reality can become quite disappointing once back together.

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How can you make your long distance relationship last long? Some couples said that long distance relationship can last long by increasing the amount of communication. And this modern world, there are plenty of ways to increase it. Social media sites, messenger, text messaging, phone calls, and emails can supplement face-to-face communication. Others said that TRUST is also important in this relationship. Don’t give 100% you need to  And BEING COMMITTED is one of the reasons,too. Even though your partner is miles apart you are committed to your partner and you are not allowed to look for another partner because the reason is you miss your partner.

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GOOD COMMUNICATION with your partner is one of the key so your long distance relationship will last. Make sure to talk about everything, just as if you see your partner every day. When you are unable to close the distance yet, you and your partner need to develop other more creative and unique ways to become intimate with each other. Partners that take active and strive to get know each other will have a more realistic idea of their relationship, and will make their Long Distance Relationships Last.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”

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In a Relationship : Foreigner Boyfriend

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I am in a relationship and I am PROUD of it. My boyfriend is a foreigner and he is English. It’s just that there people who will judge why do you like foreigners. I know that there are people that can relate to me but there are some that feels envious about the relationship. I do feel bad whenever I hear people murmuring or gazing at us (especially me )  whenever we pass by them. I’ve experienced that when he was here for a vacation ( his first visit ). I know that you can’t stop other people from criticizing the relationship.

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Before I prefer to have a Filipino boyfriend because I know that there will be spark between us. After experiencing the heartbreaks I promise myself not to have another Filipino boyfriend. I don’t judge all of them but after the same reasons of having my heartbroken I think it’s enough. ( Enough… enough…!!!). Now, let’s start… I will share that there are disadvantages and advantages of having a foreigner boyfriend.




DISADVANTAGES AND ADVANTAGES:

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  • Cultural differences this can be a disadvantage and an advantage because it’s good that you can learn a new culture and you will more expose to it but sometimes there are couples that are having a conflict because of adapting of each others cultures.Be more optimistic to it because you are learning another culture and I think it’s a cool thing to do ( especially food you will discover new taste and special kind of foods )

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  • There is an instance that you can have  miscommunication because of languages ( Language Barrier ). There are times that learning another language and pronouncing the words properly is difficult. Learning each others language is fun and interesting because it can help you to communicate more to your partner’s relatives and friends.

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  •  Migrating to which country will stay ( if it’s her or his ). Who will migrate is you or your partner. There will be a lot of discussion to make and the decision making can be a headache. So the best thing is the both of you need to talk more about it and try to share their ideas about migrating.

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  •  This is the fear of all, being in Long Distance Relationship. Not being together. Miles and miles apart form each other. This can be hard. I know because I am in this situation but communication is the key. You need to communicate with each other just a simple or quick text to send to you partner is enough. Loyalty needs to be there,too. If you are in a relationship you are committed and it means it’s only your partner even you are two worlds apart.

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  • There are times that other people will think that you have partner that is a foreigner because of money or visa. Discrimination of other people is always there and present at all times. I experienced it and there are times that it was difficult to handle and I can’t hide my feelings. I don’t share it to him but he knows that I was hurt whenever other people are murmuring or gazing at us.



QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Love Ain’t Enough, Love Fades too

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If it’s about Love everyone is excited to hear and it’s a hot topic to discuss. There is a song that inspired me to write this post. It’s like we found love and we are happy with the relationship but why there are times it’s difficult to keep it? Love is a beautiful thing, until it fades away. From the lyrics of the song :

” But there’s a danger in loving somebody to much,
and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

Why love fades? What happen to the relationship that once like a fairy tale and so perfect?

❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤

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There are some people that are not realistic when it comes to relationship or love. They expect it like fairy tales and romantic movies. There are some cases that when reality bites they will feel bad and disappointed about their relationship. The colorful and bright changes to dark and gloomy. In this cases, we need to grow up and don’t expect too much.Feeling appreciated and special play an important role in the relationship. In the beginning of the relationship everything is much appreciated but what happen when time flies? That’s why there are some couple feel that the relationship is not all worth it.

Why is it loving too much can ruin the relationship? It’s because we’re being possessive with our partner and we don’t trust them. When are in love you have to weigh in everything. How many percent? For yourself? For your partner? We shouldn’t give it all. It’s risky but you need to ask yourself if everything is worth the risk.

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They say that it’s better for the relationship when your partner is with you because the love will stay and won’t fade but I don’t believe in it. For me, there are some close distance that their love fades because of losing attraction to each other. There are times that we are too familiar with each other that’s why love fades. Familiarity can be the reason because we know our partner too much. Instead that we think of them as our partners it leads to friendship. The feeling is changing without any notice.

Arguments and misunderstandings like we all know is always there in the relationship but there are some relationship that I think they don’t know how to handle arguments and misunderstandings. Being honest about our feelings can sometimes too hard to say. When we get into the habit of swallowing our feelings and turning against our partner rather than stating how we feel, it’s not a good sign at all. Some people give up so easily because of this reason but it’s better to talk about it.

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If the one you love breaks your heart so badly that you feel bitter and unhappy and the trust that you had wasn’t there anymore we feel that we fall out of love for sure. Love and Trust  are needed in the relationship it won’t be a real relationship if there’s absence. Forgiveness can be given but to the fact that they hurt you love fades.
Yes, love becomes boring  and love does fade with time. Its law of nature. Everything fades. The roses that he gave you from the red petals to brown to black. The love letters that you keep the writings fade because you keep it for so long.  Everything is gonna end. So is love.
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So, if there’s a chance to stay together you need to find ways to keep your love alive. I know that you both know each other and how to hold on to the love and relationship that you have. Obstacles are the just tests for the both of you. If you give up easily it means that you don’t treasure each others love. Love ain’t enough and love fades but be strong and hold on.
❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤ ❥ ❤
QUOTE OF THE DAY:

” Never love anybody who treats you like ordinary.”

– Oscar Wilde

Love But Wrong Time

 

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When do we say we found the right one?

But we found that person at the wrong time…..

All of us can relate to it. All of us have his/her own experiences with it.

We meet someone and we talk with that person.

You think that you “click“.

There’s a “spark“.

Emotions are getting stronger. Chit chats are longer.

You have your own world and everything is so “PERFECT“.

Suddenly, reality strikes…

Someone hits you…

You CAN’T be together. Oh! DAMN!!!!

It’s funny but the reality is Real and True.

There are many reasons, there are many realizations.

I know it hurts but you just feel bad about everything.

Crying inside and you question yourself ” Why? “.

Trying to protest your feelings but can’t do anything.

You just smirk. Look down. Making the most of your time being together.

The laughs and memories can be keep and at the end of the day you just say,

” I am happy to meet you and thanks for knowing you “.




 

( NOTE : I wrote this because I watched a video on YouTube and I was inspired by it. I am one of her followers and the message on that video I know that a lot of people can relate to it. If you have time please check her videos and the name : LeendaDProductions)

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

” If the heart matters enough, timing doesn’t.”

 

 

Who Cheats the Most? Men or Women?

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Last topic I posted about Cheating. One of my friend asked : Who cheats the most? Men or Women?. She left me a hanging question and suggested that I need to write about it. Not everyone will be unfaithful and I do agree with that. Before I answer that question I will try to research more about it. I want to be fair. There are factors that can influence a person to cheat :

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  • Attractiveness of the person – influenced by one’s physical appearance, social skills, and one’s resources like money.  People who have higher incomes, more education, and have more success in life are more likely to cheat than people who are less successful. Physical attractiveness also plays an important role.
  • Risk Takers – People who like to take risks or more adventurous are more likely to cheat.  There is most likely a genetic component involved in risk-taking behavior—some people may be willing to take risks in cheating.
  • More Influential – Influential people are likely to cheat. Having power increases confidence, leading individuals to act in more aggressive and outgoing ways. Powerful people are more likely to make direct eye contact and approach potential lovers. Power influences the likelihood of cheating for both men and women.
  • Flirty Conversations – We love to communicate with other people. We tend to express our feelings to our friends , co-workers and etc., Sometimes we forget that the conversations that we are into are too flirty and not appropriate. Being flirty and having a flirty conversation are there if we are into that person.

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While checking online , and I do feel sorry about the result but WOMEN are likely to cheat than MEN. The survey claims that women ages 35 to 40 were the most likely to play around  in being unfaithful because many are childless and looking to get more than a goodnight kiss as a result of a meeting of love affair. Surprising right?

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There are a lot of research and surveys that psychologist did to women and men to know who is unfaithful in the relationship. The reasons why women got higher percent because there are times that mostly women are housewives they feel lonely especially if their husband’s work is traveling to other countries. So sometimes they are too friendly with other guys in the neighborhood.

Some men don’t pay attention and don’t spend too much time with their wives after they have kids. So as a wife, you need to be beautiful for your husband. You lose weight and go to the gym to let him appreciate you more but because of some men in the gym notice you more and more you feel more appreciated. Because of the attention that is existing there will be times that you flirt with other guys.

NOTE : I want to share this you : The Science Of Infidelity

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It’s important to remember that all relationships take work and none are perfect. The solution to unhappiness in love, relationship and marriage is probably not to have sex with other men or women. It’s much better to communicate or talk with your significant other and working out your problems—before you do something that can ruin the relationship. On the survey, 15 percent of men say they would forgive a cheater.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

” A cheaters punishment is to live a life of mistrust because they live in constant fear that the person they cheated with will also cheat on them; some call it poetic justice. But I call it KARMA.”

 

 

He or She Cheats

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Adultery and Cheating are always in the relationship whether you’re married or just in a relationship. The most common reason : Spouses or partners cheat because of problems in relationship. Something is missing, love has faded, partners feel lonely or sad, a partner finds someone who treats them better or who appreciates them more. They are not happy with their current relationship so they find someone else that can make them happy. Another reason : there are people who ignores the true meaning of cheating and they keep on asking the question : Why is it difficult to be faithful in a relationship?

There are research that about 60% of spouses ( wives or husbands ) cheats during their marriage. There are lots of questions why they can’t be loyal to their spouses but how can they make a decision to cheat? Decisions are not so easy to say you have to think twice and deep to fully have it. In a relationship, making promises to be loyal to their spouse or partner , most people are serious in doing it and have intention of keeping their promises. In making decisions about love and not being loyal, reasons have a difficult time competing in controlling our emotions. Sometimes our emotions are influence by our behavior and lead us down to the way that it wasn’t suppose to be.

There are Types of Cheating like : Physical Cheating , the act of being sexually intimate with someone other than your spouse or partner. It is the most common among men and women but it can be view differently. Men view as depriving by force and a form of physical rejection. For women, may be more likely to see beyond the physical misjudgement if they perceive that emotions were not involved.The cheater feels emotionally connected to his partner and may only be seeking to fulfill a sexual fantasy. Emotional Cheating , may begin as friendship. An emotional cheater finds himself intimately confessing in the person, sharing thoughts, dreams and there’s an emotional closeness that would normally be reserved for his friend.  With emotional cheating, the cheater’s heart may no longer be in the relationship and the relationship was not progressing. Cyber Cheating , includes net pornography, online dating and flirting with other people on social networking sites. It is harder to catch than other forms of cheating. It requires the couple to have access to other’s computer passwords and to pay close attention to conversations each person is having on the Internet. Chexting ( Text Messaging Cheating ) , common to the high profile affairs of celebrities who were caught cheating via text messaging. According to Fox News, this is a new form of cheating because it supplies the physical proof of being unfaithful. It includes sending sexually explicit messages or pictures ,texting to arrange  dates and meeting in person . Even simple messages, such as asking how someone is doing, can be considered chexting if the intention of the person sending the text is to hook up with the recipient.

Last year, the site Ashley Madison revealed about husbands that are cheating to their wives and a lot of people panic because it was hacked. Once you cheat you may allow yourself to become distracted from your partner, and from what’s real and what’s important. In a world of where we’re loaded of  information, temptations and distractions are common. Lacking of communication with important things with your partner can driven you away from them.If one of you is a problem-focused rather than looking for solutions in the problem, you will feel worthless for a partner rather than compassion. This can lead someone to seek comfort from others.

NEXT TOPIC : Who Cheats most? Woman or Man?

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Cheating isn’t always kissing, touching, or flirting. If you have to delete text messages so your partner doesn’t see them, you’re already there.”